My American Boy

Amidst the hustling holiday crowd at LAX, I heard a voice call out, “Baby …” I looked at the direction where the voice came from, and then I saw you.  You were dapper in black, dashing in jeans.  I walked to you with my red luggage in tow.

As I reached where you were standing, you said, “Baby, you are finally here…”  Then I kissed you and melted in your arms.  That was my Edward Cullen moment with you.  “I no longer have the strength to be away from you,” I said. Then you lifted my face with your hands and looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and said, “I love you, please love me too.”

Manila. Los Angeles. Las Vegas.

Chapter 1

In Manila, we met one night as I came from work.  I was stressed out and was so eager to unwind. The moment my friends invited me to a nightcap, I immediately said yes.  There you were. 

You were on your last 2 weeks of vacation in Manila.  You came here to visit some relatives, but more importantly, to soul search.  Relatives set you up with different ladies, good and bad, but no one caught your attention.  Then I came.

On another night your cousins invited me to their place for dinner which I obliged to.  I knew you will be there.  They asked what would I want to eat, I said “rice.”  But I would not want to if I was the only one left to eat.  You sat beside me and said, “I will eat with you.”   All eyes were suddenly on us.

That night ended with the group teasing us, but I shoved it off.  You didn’t even ask me out !  Later, I learned from your cousin that you were too shy to ask. “Oh, how could you be so shy when you were so charming and sweet ?” ran in my mind.

Then we finally dated. Movie. Dinner. Shopping. Dancing. Drinking.  Our hands were held together all the time.  No one could let go.

Time had come that you had to go back to LA.  Vacation was over.  Was I over too?  We promised to keep in touch and we did.

Chapter 2

“My life was empty. I didn’t find meaning in those 30 years….. But you came along, you showed me how love can make life so beautiful….You made me want to be a better man…. You also made me want to live the rest of my life with no one else but you.”  I was struck by these words that you said and all I wanted to do was just see you as soon as I can, as fast as the plane can travel from Manila to LA.

In LA, I met your family.  You showed me where you grew up, the places you went to, the friends you hang out with, you showed me your life. 

I was nervous to meet your mom, any fine lady would be in such a situation.  The first thing your mom said to me was, “I never saw my son as happy as he is now.  You should have seen him eagerly waiting for each day until this day that you arrive.”  I never found the right words to reply, I just smiled, but my heart was basking in joy.

It was the holidays.  Love was in the air.  It was that love in the air that we breathe that gave us life.  It was no longer just your life or my life, but it was our lives.

Chapter 3

We drove to Las Vegas, it was part of the deal. It was a long drive with a stopover at an outlet for me to shop. You never complained.  You would do anything to make me happy.  I would do anything to make you happy too. 

New Year ’s Eve at the Strip.  Lots of music and dancing on the streets. Countdown to 2009…10..9..8..7..…   As the clock struck 12, “Happy New Year, baby!!!” we said to each other.  We hugged each other tight, kissed each other tenderly…

It was a happy place to be. It was a loving moment to remember.

Chapter 4

On the drive back to LA you said, “Baby, I feel sore and tired.  Could something be wrong with me?”   I was thinking it was a natural reaction since you drove all the time and was probably just fatigue. 

I was on my last few days in LA before heading back home to Manila.  We tried to make the most out of it because it will take some time before we see each other again.  We knew how much we love each other and how much we want to be together, but we need to plan things out to make that happen forever.

You felt sick, but still took me to the Laker game.

You were running a fever, but still took me shopping.

You would do anything to see that smile on my face.

The day came when you had to bring me back to LAX.  I had a plane to catch.  Again, we promised to keep in touch, said our I love yous and kissed each other goodbye.

Chapter 5

I was back home.  I was secretly hoping that there was a surprise message left in my email.  There was none.  I wrote you a note to say I arrived safely and that I already miss you.

I had not received a reply in three days…hmmm….did you suddenly fall out love?  I tried not to make a conclusion out of it and just waited.

I decided to meet up with some friends at The Fort.  While having fun into the night, I received a call from your cousin, “Cha, they rushed him to the hospital the day after you left LA. The family asked me to call you to let you know.”

And then my world stopped. Tears rolled down.

A Past Remembered

This is something I wrote more than a decade ago. I was in a relationship that had gone for over 7 years. If I remember correctly, I was 17 when we started and 24 when we ended. No regrets whatsoever. It was something worth remembering.

It's September 2

21 days to go

On the 23rd of September

Shall I be seeing you?

Who ever thought it would last?

Well, it did, but not quite forever

It had ended about a year ago

But I continue to cherish the memories

For I had loved and will always do

Frankly, I really miss you

More than that, I know I love you

Chelsea Gabrielle: my rottweiler

 

a few months old...

                        

a few years old...

I fondly call her as "Baby Dog" and so does my niece who is 1 yr and 8 mos old.  I know, I know, she is extremely big to be called a baby, but that is what she is to me.

It is not easy having a Rottie as a pet.  One: they can get big and heavy (if you are petite like me).  Two: they eat a lot, poo a lot. So it is not really easy on the pocket to feed them.  Three: they look scary and not easily adored by neighbors, guests and potential boyfriends.

But why do I keep her? One: I am a dog lover and I asked for her (I got her at 3 mos. old from a couple-friend, but that's another story).  Two:  She is very sweet and would force her immensely, big build for me to pat and cuddle.  Three: She is my this-guy-is-no-good detector.  If she dislikes a guy guest, then I would know the guy is up to no good.

She is now 4 years and a few months old. Born November 24, 2006.

Chelsea also attended a home schooling program.  Did she learn anything in obedience school ? Uhm ...

show of obedience

Chelsea and teacher



Hi Dad

Dad, I thought of you today. 

Mom said that February has always been your month and mine. 

I will be turning 11 soon and that is how long the three of us have been apart. 

But in my heart, you, me and Mom will never really part. 

Happy Valentine’s Day Dad !

--Francis Matthew Romero

--February 14, 2011

My Bitter Pain

ONCE UPON…

Once upon in June, a man told a lady, "I believe we are meant for each other."  The lady asked, "How did you know?"  And the man replied, "because my heart says so ..."

"I will never, ever do anything to hurt you," the man promised.  The lady, though not perfect in her ways and sometimes a bit crazy, believed him. But the man lied.....

The man was not contented with the lady, went about his way and found himself another woman.  The other woman, in all her ignorance, accepted the man.  Together the man and the other woman became a happy couple, so soon, so sudden.

Because of the sudden change in the man, who had gone cold to the lady, the lady asked, “have you been dating?”  “Only after our time,” said the man.  To the lady’s surprise, they were over without her knowing it.

And the man continued to hurt the lady.  “It was only last December 8 that we became a couple,” he said. “What?!?” and the lady started crying and crying.

“She said she loves me…” said the man.  “Don’t I too?” said the lady in between her tears. “She said very, very much….” the man continued, “…and I love her too.”

That did it, the lady broke down.

The lady isn’t without a flaw but she does not deserve the pain.

AND THE CHEATING CONTINUES…..

The Lady is the fool.

The Man is the asshole.

The Other Woman is simply Ignorant.

“I need to talk to you,” “please see me before you go to church, what I have to say won’t take long ” requested the asshole from the fool.  Being a fool, she agreed and went out of her way to see him and that was the night of January 1.

The asshole said to the fool, “I am in love with you …”  “I think of you every day…”  “I may have caused you pain but I am suffering too, I am confused.”  The fool was not able to react but was fool enough to grant the asshole a kiss before she went to church.

January 2 was the asshole’s birthday.  He asked if he can see the fool in the morning.  Of course the fool agreed.  The fool is still in love with the asshole.  As what they used to do most of the time, they made out.

The fool knew she was being used.  After the asshole left, she was all alone, thinking and envying how the asshole will spend his special day with the Ignorant woman.  Again, the fool cried.

Coming to her senses, the fool said goodbye to the asshole.  She no longer wanted to be used and taken advantage of.  She avoided him.

Two weeks after, the asshole called her almost crying.  “Fool, I am so having a difficult time without you.  I resist but I still think of you everyday as I wake up, as I go to sleep….”  The fool consoled him and was playful and the asshole said, “can you see in my eyes right now my temporary happiness?”  They made out that night and another night that followed.

The fool in her thoughts keep wondering, what does the Ignorant know?

ENOUGH

Since Chacha is all too confused already, she had the guts to ask Atty. Liar, “Why can’t you tell her your confusion?” “I don’t know,” was all he can say.  “Do you love her?” Chacha asked.  Without batting an eyelash, he said “yes.”

A shot right through her heart.  She wanted to die that very moment.

Chacha shows love in a way that was unappreciated.  He wanted something else that Chacha is not. 

I love you despite what you are not.  This is Chacha’s love for Atty. Liar.  She has her own dreams for a man that is not Atty. Liar, but she never gave him up.  It is not hoping that he will change for her, but it is hoping that he will keep his promise never to hurt her.

But enough is enough.

Two women are being cheated.  One is aware, the other is not.

GUILT AND FORGIVENESS

The events that took place, the love that has been lost and found with another, the pain, the suffering…this should mean something.

As I look back, I realized, you never really loved me.  Not now, not before.  You simply used me.  You were down and you needed someone to lift you up.  We were together, not because of love, but because of your need.

When you can stand on your own already, you started looking the other way.  There you found her.  She is love, not a need. Because if she was just a need, I can easily provide the need back to you now.  But you cannot leave her, thus, it is love.

When you tell me now that you are in love with me.  I do not believe you.  Again, it is not love, it is guilt.

I realized that what is bothering you is the guilt that you have for doing what you have done to me.  You admitted your faults; you even said I come in immaculate. 

Yes, you are the asshole, Atty. Liar.

You may be happy with your new love now; it is perfect in your eyes.  But you know that your guilt will haunt you forever.  No secret will be left untold.

And how can that guilt be resolved?  How can you be happy in this lifetime?  Only when you come to me and I say, “I forgive you.”

To which I don’t think I can do.

why am i blogging?

A good friend said, "you write well, why don't you start a blog?"  I didn't believe what he said, but what the heck, I feel like writing today. 

I am anti-social for the past years, believe me, I do not have a Facebook account.  I do not want to be searched.  I believe that i am in contact with the people who matter to me anyway.

But now I am blogging.