When a Mom Loses a Child

A few weeks back, my friends and I were dining and were talking about movies.  They were saying movie lines that struck my heart.

A spouse who loses his/her partner is called a widow/widower.

A child who loses his/her parents is called an orphan.

What do you call a parent who loses a child?

None, because it is just indescribable.

I am a mom who lost a child 12 years ago. Today is my son’s birthday, he would have been 12.  The feeling of loss cannot be described in words alone.  It is too painful for any one to articulate it.

How could a child go before his mom?  This is a question I so like to raise every so often, but always end up with no explanation.  It is through faith alone that I accept the situation.

12 years had passed and I still cannot move on.  I have been in and out of several relationships after that, but something pulls me back.  I have dreamt of having another child, but the dream fizzles out even if I am in a relationship.  It makes me think, is it because I cannot find a fine man to have a relationship and a child with?  Or is it because I cannot move on from the loss of my child?

I think I will live with no man beside me, but my child who did not live long enough shall keep me.

My Son is 12 Today

Happy Birthday to my good-looking son,

Francis Matthew Romero.

Funny and Witty Amara

Facts:  I have a rottweiler named Chelsea.  I fondly call her, as a term of endearment, Baby Dog.  Amara is my 2 1/2 yr. old niece.

One day, I was teaching Amara how to read.  I have a Chelsea Football Club cap with the words spelled out in the logo.

Me:  Amara, look at this word (pointing to the word "Chelsea" on my cap).  This word is Chel-sea.  Can you say it?
Amara: Che-sea.
Me: Again, the word is Chel-sea. Chel-sea.
Amara: Che-sea.
Me:  Good.

After an hour or so, I talked to Amara again to test if she recalls the new word I taught her.

Me: Amara, do you remember this word (pointing again to the word Chelsea on the cap)
Amara: (nods)
Me:  Tell me, what word is it?
Amara:  Ba-by Dog (pointing on the word Chelsea on my cap)

The Scenes In My February

February is a rather special month for me where different scenes are played out.  I wonder what to do with them.

Scene 1:

Your father surprises me and asks about you.  Sigh...  I had learned to take this on in a less emotional way through the 12 years, but of course, there are moments when one's heart is most vulnerable.  When he said, "... kung puede lang talaga, siguro ang saya saya natin tatlo."  Your dad knows what to say, at the right time, with the right words, to catch my attention.

Scene 2:

For the second time, I asked another guy the question, "how would you feel if I tell you now that I am getting married soon?"  And the guy said, "sad."  So I asked, "why?"  He replied, "because I am going to lose you."

Scene 3:

In my dreams I see a picture of us.

Scene 4:

Out of nowhere, a guy who I already consider as non-existent sends me a text message, "I'm sorry."  Why can't some guys just move on?